More About Me: Gender Issues
It’s interesting at times how the body can work sometimes. As of late, due to emotional stress, my body has actually begun feeling weighted in the chest and sometimes have small pains. Worrying about relationships and identity can do that to people after awhile, I guess.
Identity can especially be difficult at times if it involves gender, which is what I’m dealing with. As of right now, I am a male (using this name as a pen name), and I’m on the middle ground for the issue right now. It’s been in the back of my mind since about age 14 or 15, but never came into a full issue until recently. I have a strong desire to look female, more than just crossdressing could do for me. I desire having a female body, except for the nether regions, as I would still like to be able to start a family with someone. In short, I desire to find myself beautiful, not handsome or just pretty. I would also like to, just once, wear a dress and look good in it.
Now, I’m interested solely in women. I guess the problem is that I love women so much, that I desire to more or less be one. I have not tried crossdressing as of yet, mainly for fear of scaring myself as I am not in the best of shape and have a small idea of how I hope to look.
The biggest problem I have with doing this, though, is my family. Almost all of my family are conservative Christians. Which means that they will probably not support me on this matter. One thing I am waiting for is to get a professional to give me clearance to go through the process and then tell them so they know that it’s not a stage. I just hope they won’t disown me or anything like that. It’s quite a frightful thing to think about.
I have done some things to start appearing more feminine, though, like shaving my body hair off and growing my hair out. When my parents ask me, I just tell them I shave for hygienic reasons and I’m growing my hair out just because I want to.
I’m not really sure what I’m doing now, my mind keeps jumping back and forth, but I hope I can figure something out. Hopefully, I’ll be able to join a counseling group for people experiencing the same problems. Well, that’s all I have for now. ‘Till next time.
Karin
